January 2005 Archives

1. Never discuss dental hygiene with a llama.
   2. Never verbally threaten a llama.
   3. Never ask a llama if he was trained by Al Qaeda
   4. Never call a llama “the illegal immigrant of the American barnyard.”
   5. Never, ever use the word: “llama-burger.”

And should you be fool enough to do any of the above, remember that God in his providence has equipped llamas with two qualities which, when matched with their violent tempers rightly qualifies them as predatory animals.

The first is the ability to precision spit with an accuracy that would make an Olympic sharpshooter blush. The second is the capacity of llamas to manufacture oceans of noxious bile within the depths of their stomachs — no doubt stored near their dark hearts.

But should you find that you have succumbed to temptation and disregarded my above warnings by engaging a llama in dialogue, and should you value the company of family and friends, then please listen carefully to my counsel: The moment that diabolical creature lowers his ears — run! Run for your life. Run for the sake of generations yet to be born. Run and don’t look back.

Posted by Doug Phillips on January 27, 2005 | Permalink

I would like to take this opportunity to offer a public apology to the chickens of America.

For some years I have been slandering our feathered friends to the home school audiences of America. I have shared with more than 75,000 people my concern over the rising influence of chickens in the home school movement, and of the wicked example set for our girls by the female of that species. Not content to be hens of the barn, they perpetually cackle, cluck, peck, and pick apart their sister chicks, leaving them bare-fannied and bloody.

When my daughter Jubilee brought to my attention the behavior of our own poultry, I knew something had to be done. The only conclusion I could reach was that Chickens are evil — and not merely evil, but the most nefarious of the barnyard denizens.

I now see that my claims against chickens were over-reaching and misplaced. Though chicken behavior has an appearance of evil, it is a junior varsity evil in comparison to the dastardly deeds of the malevolent llama.

After all, it is one thing to send a sweet egg-collecting homeschool girl running to her daddy in tears after discovering that the Jezebels of the coop have plucked the feathers out of the collective tuchases of their compatriots. But it is another thing all together for a rabbit eared, inedible pack animal to lie in wait, getting its jollies from launching missiles of expectoration on those who mean it no harm.

While chickens may be evil, it is clear to all who have eyes to see and ears to hear that llamas are monomaniacal beady eyed maniacs hell-bent on spewing malodorous bile of the most pungent properties on those innocent passers-by who, out of nothing but sheer courtesy, stop to engage them in friendly conversation.

Posted by Doug Phillips on January 27, 2005 | Permalink

It is repugnant, not only to the laws of pious emperors, but also to the law of God, and of nature, and to every law of nations, that children who are in the power of their parents do or attempt anything of great importance outside the knowledge and will of the parents, much less emancipate themselves completely from the power of their parents and withdraw themselves from their control, as occurs in matrimony...

Therefore, the laws of the early church and of pious emperors define it as rape if anyone joins a woman to himself in matrimony without the knowledge and consent of parents, even if the woman consents. Since the laws provide such a severe punishment if anyone against the will of another takes just a little money, or some beast, or some other things that in no way can be compared with children, how much more severe a punishment ought to be inflicted on those who take from parents their own children, whom they hold nothing in the world more dear or more precious.

For when parents themselves find husbands for their daughters and accept wives for their sons, if indeed they do this in the Lord, they provide for themselves sons-in-law and daughters-in-law who will be like sons and daughters to them. Thus when they give their children in matrimony, they do not so much alienate them from themselves or lose their services as they receive a filial son-in-law when they give their daughter, and when they receive a wife for their son, they get a daughter in their daughter-in-law along with their son, and the double for themselves the services of sons and daughters. And this is far different from what happens if they get married without the consent of their parents.

God did not hold valid the vow of a daughter if it displeased her father (Numbers 30:4-6).

“If a woman makes a vow to the Lord, and binds herself by an obligation in her father’s house in her youth, and her father hears her vow and her obligation by which she has bound herself, and her father says nothing to her, then all her vows shall stand, and every obligation by which she has bound herself shall stand. But if her father forbids her on the day he hears of it, none of her vows or obligations by which she has bound herself shall stand, and the Lord will forgive her because her father had forbidden her.”

Should the promise of a girl be made to a man against her father’s will then be valid?

According to the norm, therefore, which the very law of God ordains and the law of nations and of nature teaches, and which we see all pious and honest men follow as established custom, written laws to the contrary permitting, it will have to be established that no matrimonial agreement is valid which is not accomplished with the consent of those who have power over those who contract; and if some have neither parents nor relatives nor other special patrons whose meritorious counsel and approval they may use, the counsel, assent, and testimony of at least three or four pious and honest men should be required. Most religious men use for this contract also some officer of the church in order that everything may take place more gravely and religiously, and that by the Word of God and prayer this contract may be sanctified with greater zeal.

Clearly, “whatever things are true, whatever honorable, whatever just, whatever pure, whatever lovely and gracious, whatever of good report, if there is any excellence, if there is any praise, these things are to be thought about” (Philippians 4:8), and these things are to be sought and done by us and by every person according to his place and role in the body of Christ. God has prescribed this law for us. Now no one doubts that it is honorable and just and holy for children to do or attempt nothing without the consent of their parents, much less free themselves entirely from their power through matrimony and to undertake a matter of such moment (great consequence) and peril without their counsel and authority.

Note: The above quote is a portion of a treatise by Martin Bucer (1491-1551) entitled “Marriage Without the Consent of Parents,” which is included in its entirety in our good friend Dennis Gundersen’s helpful new work, Courtship or Dating. Look for Dennis’s book to be available in up-and-coming months.

Posted by Doug Phillips on January 26, 2005 | Permalink

Dear Vision Forum...

I just saw the email announcement for the 2005 retreat and it prompted me to send you the following testimony...In spring of 2003 I attended the Father and Daughter retreat in San Antonio with my two daughters, Sarah, then 9 and Iryna, then 8. It was a very special event for the three of us.

However, just how special wasn’t fully revealed until just recently as Sarah shared how it touched her heart.

Several Saturdays ago, we were doing our typical family errands all together. I noted that Sarah seemed to be especially affectionate with me that day — wanting to walk with me, hold my hand, etc.

Just Sarah and I went on an errand together later in the day and she asked if she could sit next to me in the front seat. After the errand, as I pulled into the garage and stopped, Sarah sat forward, turned and looked at me and said, with a rather flushed look on her face, “Daddy, I want to tell you something. I want you to know that I love you very much and that I’m giving you my heart and want you to keep it until that day I get married to the man God has chosen for me. Will you do that?”

At that moment I believe I saw stars... but I got my composure and told her, “absolutely honey, I will guard it and protect it and nurture it until that day, and then only on that day will I give it to your new husband” (I think this is what I said — but perhaps I wasn’t nearly that coherent in my somewhat stunned state of mind!!) :-)

We got out of the car, I hugged her, but then had to ask, “Sarah, what made you bring this up to me now?”.

She said, “Remember the Father Daughter retreat we attended with Mr. Phillips just after we moved here? Well, I’ve been thinking about what he said ever since and just wanted to tell you and make sure you knew how I felt.”

I hugged her again, then she asked “is it alright if I ride my bike now?” She turned and skipped off.

I stood stunned, relishing the Blessings of my Almighty Creator and just how good He can truly be.

So, a belated thank you to Doug Phillips and then entire Vision Forum staff. Who, by the sovereign power of our Savior Jesus Christ, made that event, almost two years ago, truly a memorable one.

How much so I just didn’t fully realize until recently.

May you feel His presence at your Father and Daughter Retreat 2005.

—Alan P.

Dear Alan:

On behalf of all the families at Vision Forum, please accept my deepest thanks for making our day with this beautiful testimony. It is for just such victories that Vision Forum was founded.

Our deepest love and appreciation in Christ Jesus,
Doug Phillips

To Our Blog Friends:
Since announcing the Father and Daughter Retreat yesterday we have reached a total of about 125 registrants. May I recommend that you register quickly if you hope to be part of this special event before it fills up.

Posted by Doug Phillips on January 25, 2005 | Permalink

             

Dear Vision Forum: Home-Making by J.R. Miller was one of the best books on home-life I have ever read. I cried all the way through it. Thank you, Kathleen W.

Kathleen, thank you for this thoughtful note. We agree. This book has blessed many thousands. It is a lost gem chock full of some of the finest wisdom on biblical family roles and relationships. When we brought this back to print, our mission was to share these truths with a new generation who had never read, nor heard of J.R. Miller and the biblical family vision he so beautifully communicates.

Posted by Doug Phillips on January 25, 2005 | Permalink

Today was 32nd March for Life in opposition to abortion. My family has attended every March since 1974. In God’s providence, this year was the first that my father was unable to attend. Dad was sorely disappointed.

Posted by Doug Phillips on January 24, 2005 | Permalink

“We don’t need to just change laws, we need to change hearts.”

On its face, this statement from President Bush made by speaker phone to the 2005 March for Life is completely true.

The problem is that when politicians make these comments it is usually code for the following conclusion: “We can not and WILL NOT take the legitimate and necessary action to shut down abortion because the American people are not emotionally ready. Therefore before proposing and implementing God-honoring measures, we will wait for the emotions of the people to catch up with our duty to prevent baby vivisection.”

But should godly leaders wait for consensus before enforcing righteous laws or acting to stamp out abominations?

Of course not. The Bible teaches that those who are in authority must rule righteously according to the law of God. If 99% of the voting public believes that parents may execute their children, our leaders must stand with God and not with the rebellious people. Consensus is a blessing. Consensus is a legitimate goal. But consensus is irrelevant to duty. If it is within the power and jurisdiction of a magistrate to prevent moral evil, he must, irregardless of whether any consensus exists for his action.

Yet another question is this: What happens when God’s law is enforced before the people “change their heart” (i.e. where no consensus for such laws exists?)

Cultural Polytheists and partisan sycophants often try to justify their pragmatic response to evangelical political infidelity by claiming that nothing can be done by “Christian” leaders in a nation of many faiths where there is no consensus for righteousness. Some go so far as to claim that it is morally wrong to enforce the law of God unless enough people have “changed hearts” to show statistical support for righteous laws.

But let me ask another question: Should parents wait for their children to have “changed hearts” before enforcing God’s law in the home? Should the rod of correction be withheld until sons and daughters “believe in their hearts” that such discipline is a good thing? Such thinking is a formula for perpetual infidelity.

The fact is this: Enforcing the law of God against unruly and sin-sick people is one of God’s appointed means for bringing about “changed hearts.” We are to enforce the rod on our children so that we will deliver their souls from Hell. In a nation where hearts are turned away from God, nonetheless, the enforcement of the law serves as a restraint against sin, and a God-appointed instrument to put people in the fear of the Lord.

Abortion is criminal conduct. It is unlawful. An aggressive president may not be able to shut down abortion in America in one day, but he can determine to only appoint judges who will enforce God’s law concerning the life of the unborn. He can defund all subsidies to abortion providers. In fact, he can make substantial efforts to wipe out the holocaust of babies. To read about the first one hundred ways a Christian president can shut down abortion in America, click here:

The First 100 Ways

Dear friends, the problem is not that we are unable to shut down abortion. The problem is not that we need to wait to act for people to have changed hearts. The problem is that when given an opportunity too many refuse to do what it is their oath and duty to do. Even worse, when those few politicians and judges actually do the right thing (i.e. Roy Moore) professing Christians end up crucifying them to advance their political careers. To quote Pogo: We have met the enemy, and he is us.

Posted by Doug Phillips on January 24, 2005 | Permalink

How common is it to see young men with big heads, high-minded, and impatient of any counsel! How often they are rude and discourteous to all around them, thinking they are not valued and honored as they deserve! How often will they not stop to listen to a hint from an older person! They think that they know everything. They are full of conceit of their own wisdom. They think elderly people, and especially their relatives, are stupid, and dull, and slow. They want no teaching or instruction themselves: they understand all things. It almost makes them angry to be spoken to. Like young horses, they cannot bear the least control. They must be independent and have their own way. They seem to think, like those whom Job mentioned, “You are the people, and wisdom will die with you” (Job 12:2). And all this is pride.

Rehoboam was such a person, who despised the counsel of the old experienced men who stood before his father, and listened to the advice of the young men of his own generation. He lived to reap the consequences of his folly. There are many like him.

The prodigal son in the parable was also such a person, who needed to have his share of the inheritance so he could set himself up in the lifestyle that he desired. He could not submit to live quietly under his father’s roof, but would go into a far country and be his own master. Like the little child that will leave its mother’s hand and walk alone, he soon feels the sting for his folly. He became wiser when he had to eat husks with the swine. But there are many like him.

Young men, I beseech you earnestly, beware of pride. Two things are said to be very rare sights in the world: one is a young man that is humble, and the other is an old man that is content. I fear that this is only too true.

Do not be proud of your own abilities, your own strength, your own knowledge, your own appearance, your own cleverness. Do not be proud of yourself, and your endowments of any kind. It all comes from not knowing yourself and the world. The older you grow, and the more you see, the less reason you will find for being proud. Ignorance and inexperience are the pedestal of pride; once the pedestal is removed, pride will soon come down.

Remember how often Scripture sets before us the excellence of a humble spirit. How strongly we are warned “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought” (Romans 12:3). How plainly we are told, “The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know!” (1 Corinthians 8:2). How strict is the command, “Clothe yourselves with humility” (Colossians 3:12). And again, “Clothe yourselves with humility” (1 Peter 5:5). This is the garment of which many seem not to have so much as a rag.

Posted by Doug Phillips on January 22, 2005 | Permalink

Posted by Doug Phillips on January 21, 2005 | Permalink

“In America’s ideal of freedom, the public interest depends on private character - on integrity, and tolerance toward others, and the rule of conscience in our own lives. Self-government relies, in the end, on the governing of the self. That edifice of character is built in families, supported by communities with standards, and sustained in our national life by the truths of Sinai, the Sermon on the Mount, the words of the Koran, and the varied faiths of our people. Americans move forward in every generation by reaffirming all that is good and true that came before - ideals of justice and conduct that are the same yesterday, today, and forever.”

President George Bush, 2005 Inaugural Address

Posted by Doug Phillips on January 20, 2005 | Permalink

Faithful servant of Jesus Christ and Constitutionalist, Tom Parker, was sworn into the office of Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court last Thursday in a private ceremony in the chambers of United States Supreme Court Justice, Clarence Thomas. Tom, along with his wife Dottie (pictured above) are close friends of the Phillips family, (and graduates of the Witherspoon School of Law and Public Policy), served as an advisor to former Chief Justice Roy Moore, and an officer of the Alabama Supreme Court.

After the removal of Chief Justice Moore, Tom was fired from his job at the Court by Justice Gorman Houston, for Tom’s support of Justice Moore and the biblical view of the rule of law. Tom proceeded to run for Alabama Supreme Court Justice and was resoundingly elected by the people of the state of Alabama. In a blessed turn-around, Tom unseated one of the very members of the Court complicit in the persecution of the Chief Justice and the removal of the Ten Commandments monument.

About twenty friends and supporters of Justice Tom Parker joined him in the chambers of United States Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas for his official swearing-in ceremony. I was honored to be invited by Tom and Dottie to attend along with my father Howard Phillips, brother Samuel Phillips, and personal assistant Bob Renaud.

Justice Thomas was delighted by Tom’s gift of a leather-bound copy of the Constitution. Thomas was so impressed with the edition that he inquired about the publisher. We all had a good laugh when we found out it came from Restoration Hardware.

Posted by Doug Phillips on January 17, 2005 | Permalink

I wonder if American Christians really take seriously God’s admonition that we pray for those who are in authority over us in this land. I wonder further if American Christians take seriously the many biblical admonitions and patterns that we take God-appointed opportunities to speak the truth to our leaders and exhort them unto righteousness. Every once in a while, we see an example of just this — case in point: Tom Parker in the chamber of United States Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

With the deepest of respect, and the most humble spirit of honor and deference, Justice Parker spoke candidly and passionately of our duty to Jesus Christ, our supreme law-giver, and of his prayer that God would restore the righteousness of the land. Friends of Tom Parker spoke boldly and passionately with Justice Thomas about the Supreme Court’s role in the murder of the unborn, in what I suspect was a most singular conversation for the Supreme Court Justice.

Dad, my brother Samuel and I enjoyed a hearty discussion with Justice Thomas on the meaning of the Establishment Clause and discussed books on the First Amendment.

Bob Renaud, a correspondent law student at the Oak Brook School of Law and Public Policy, was privileged to dialogue with the Supreme Court Justice who generously shared about an hour and a half of his time with us.

Though we do not currently share the same fundamental perspective on law (Thomas holds to a modified libertarian/natural law perspective), we were delighted by the humility of Justice Thomas, and we pray and are hopeful that God will strengthen him and equip him to take truthful, uncompromising stands that render judgments faithful to the Document and consistent with the transcendent law of God.

Posted by Doug Phillips on January 17, 2005 | Permalink

The day after being sworn into the office of Supreme Court Justice of Alabama at the United States Supreme Court building by Justice Clarence Tomas, Tom Parker was again sworn in, this time in Alabama by former Chief Justice Roy Moore.

In one of those special moments of victorious blessing in which the Lord shows His favor to the faithful, Justice Parker and former Chief Justice Roy Moore rose before more than 2000 people in attendance, including the very men in part responsible for the removal of the Ten Commandments and the ouster of Moore. Justice Parker used the opportunity to declare his commitment to uphold his oath of office which is not to men or a document, but to Jesus Christ. He promised to faithfully acknowledge God, the author of law, life, and liberty. The following is an excerpt of the speech:

May it please the Courts.

Governor, Public Officials, friends and family, thank you for being here today.

The defining question for the American people today is this: “By what standard?”

By what standard shall we govern ourselves? By what standard shall our courts interpret the Constitution? Who is the ultimate voice of authority? Is it the people? Is it the judges who wear black robes? Are they truly the ultimate voice of authority? Or is there a higher source from which even the legitimacy of constitutions ultimately derive their authority, and to whom the allegiance of every policy maker and judge is due?

Our Founding Fathers answered this question with resounding clarity when they boldly declared that “We are endowed by our CREATOR with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

With these twenty-five simple words, that remarkable delegation of citizen patriots was able to declare with stunning precision what fewer and fewer modern jurists seem able to understand or communicate in their many thousands of pages of decisions rendered during the course of a lifetime.

Namely, this: The very God of Holy Scriptures, the CREATOR, is the source of law, life and liberty. It is to Him, not evolving standards or arbitrary pronouncements of judges, that the leaders of every nation owe their ultimate allegiance.

The most influential jurist on the thinking of our Founding Fathers, Sir William Blackstone, put it this way:

The doctrines thus delivered we call revealed or divine law, and they are to be found only in Holy Scriptures. Upon these two foundations, the law of nature and the law of revelation, depend all human laws; that is to say, no human law should be suffered to contradict these.

Blackstone would add a cautious reminder: Judges do not make law; they do but discover it from its true source.

Yesterday, January 13th, 2005, I was administered the oath of office at the United States Supreme Court building by the leading advocate in our land for original intent interpretation of the Constitution, U. S. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Just moments before I placed my hand on the Holy Scripture, Justice Thomas soberly addressed me and all in attendance. He admonished us to remember that the work of a justice should be evaluated by one thing and one thing only — whether or not he is faithful to uphold his oath, an oath which, as Justice Thomas pointed out, is not to the people, not to the state, and not to the constitution, but an oath which is to God Himself.

Today, I once again placed my hand on the Bible, God’s Holy Word. On this day the oath was administered to me by a man who is well known to each of you, a man who sacrificed his very office in the holy cause of liberty. Chief Justice Roy Moore of the Supreme Court of Alabama understood that oaths are sworn to the Creator, that they must be upheld, and that no judge or set of justices may banish from the courtroom the very source of authority which gives legitimacy to law itself.

As I took the oath of office today, I placed my hand on the Biblical charge to judges:

“Consider carefully what you do, because you are not judging for man, but for the Lord, who is with you whenever you give a verdict. Now let the fear of the Lord be upon you. Judge carefully, for with the Lord our God there is no injustice or partiality or bribery. ...You must serve faithfully and wholeheartedly in the fear of the Lord.”

(2 Chronicles 19:6-9)

I stand here today, humbled by this charge, but a grateful man who aspires to adhere to that tradition embodied in the sentiments spoken to me yesterday by Justice Clarence Thomas, and the commitment to our Founders’ vision of authority and the rule of law personified by Chief Justice Roy Moore.

As I took the oath of office yesterday at the U.S. Supreme Court, I placed my hand on those Scriptures which represent my defining prayer not only for this Court, but for every court in our great land. This prayer is summarized in the words of the Lord, who spoke through the prophet Isaiah, declaring:

I will restore your judges as in days of old, and your counselors as at the beginning. Afterward you shall be called, The City of Righteousness, the Faithful city. (Isaiah 1:26)

Thank you for the great honor bestowed upon me today. I will always view my oath as solemn, binding and mission-defining.

May God guide us and direct us. May we boldly proclaim that it is God, Jesus Christ who gives us life and liberty. May we, as justices who have taken oaths to our God, never fear to acknowledge Him. And may the Alabama Supreme Court lead this nation in our gratitude, humility and deference, to the only true source of law, our Creator.

Thank you.

Posted by Doug Phillips on January 17, 2005 | Permalink

It is a blessing for fathers and sons to walk together in unity.

Posted by Doug Phillips on January 17, 2005 | Permalink

Now she is five. Oh, how can it be—
The girl who clings to her daddy’s hand.
Her sing-songy voice, her butterfly kisses
Her tea time stories, her little girl stand.

And again I hear the plaintive pleas
Issueing forth as they do each night
Calling for tales of daddies and daughters
That resemble remarkably two such as we.

Again I hold her delicate fingers.
Again I lead her in prayers of that sort
That come from a child who only knows trust
That speaks from a heart that believes what it hears.

This is the world of delight for the one
Charged with the safety and care of a muse.
And thus the bittersweet joy of a father
Who prays it will yet be when she is six.

D.W.P

Posted by Doug Phillips on January 16, 2005 | Permalink

We are pleased to announce the implementation of our “Browse Products” feature on the Vision Forum website. From the Vision Forum homepage you will now notice a link on the left side titled “Browse Products”, this new feature will allow you to view all the products offered by Vision Forum in an easy to use index. You can browse product specific categories, age ranges, author names, and more. It is our hope that this new feature will aid you in your shopping experience with Vision Forum and allow you to choose the products that are of greatest need for your household.

Click here to browse by:

Books

Audio

Video

Toys & Tools

Authors

Age

Posted by Doug Phillips on January 14, 2005 | Permalink

Okay, here goes —

With seven children in tow, Doug, Beall, and a dear family friend board Continental Flight 1, bound for distant shores. Before us lay many, many hours and many, many miles in close airborne quarters.

But before we will traverse even one of these miles, we must first make it through what we affectionately call “the long march down the corridor.” This is where we usually get pummeled with “Are they all yours?,” “Better you than me,” “Are you Mormons?” and various offers to provide Beall and me with certain “helpful” medical information.

Today, we march Von Trapp style (oldest to youngest), each child with a rolling backpack in tow. My family is divided into groups. My group includes three of my four sons, two of whom are directly across the aisle.

We are finally all settled and down the aisle comes a woman. She is thin, looks to be in her early fifties, and is dark of skin, with unusual, but distinctive facial features. The woman sits down next to me.

She takes one look at my son Providence and says with a thick accent and husky voice: “Hi little baby”(then, turning to me) “I love babies. Children are wonderful. Very important to have children.”

“I love children too,” says I, “God has given me seven. They are all on the plane today.”

“That’s nothing,” says the woman, “I am a great-grandmother of nine.”

“Surely not,” I exclaim with sincerity. “How can you be old enough to be a great grandmother?”

“Oh, I am plenty old. I am an old woman. I am fifty-seven.”

“Ma’am, fifty-seven is not old, and it is certainly not old enough to be a great grandmother of nine?is it?”

“Well I have thirty-eight grandchildren.”

“You have thirty-eight grandchildren! That is fantastic! That is wonderful! You are so blessed. Do you mind if I ask how many children you had?”

“I had fourteen children.”

“F-o-u-r-t-e-e-n C-h-i-l-d-r-e-n! That is wonderful. What a blessing!”

“Oh, yes, they are a blessing. You should have more children. Seven is a good start, but it is time to get serious.”

“That would be a blessing,” I say while smiling (secretly doing all that I can to repress the urge to dance down the aisle).

Gaining my composure I query: “Ma’am, may I ask how many brothers and sisters you had?”

“My mother and father had twenty-two children.”

“Surely not! Not twenty-two? Did they really have twenty-two? Well, how many grandchildren did they have?”

“My father lived to 84 and had 82 grandchildren.”

At this point I am bug-eyed.

Thus begins an extensive interview of this dear woman who I learn is from Guam, of the Chamorro tribe, still married to her first husband (whom she wed at age sixteen), that she has a great relationship with each of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and that she spends much of her time traveling to the homes of her vast progeny to help with grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Her only complaint was that when she visits those that live in the United States, she has to suffer eating American food which she finds intolerable.

The hours go by. Our plane arrives.

Through a seeming miracle of God, and to the utter astonishment of passengers, crew (and myself), my children have been quiet and well behaved throughout the multi-hour flight. Even the baby.

A passenger near me very politely says: “Wow, your children were really good.” (Translation: “We were ready to run for our lives when we realized that a bunch of kids would be on the plane with us for so many hours.”)

He continues: “It looked so easy.”

“Please, please don’t be fooled,” say I. Traveling with children is like a ballet. You do your best to make it look smooth and easy so as not to be a distraction to others. But the fact is that you are balancing your body on one toe and contorting your remaining appendages into bizarre positions — all this while smiling. It’s the same principle when traveling with a large family. It requires much effort, but the end result is great joy and satisfaction. And some days are better than others. You caught us on a good day. But the key difference between us and most ballerinas is that we don’t kid ourselves about our puny abilities or that success is the result of some exercise formula — it is only God’s grace and His mercy. God was so kind to us on this trip.

Postscript:

Our return flight was less harmonious. Not long after take-off, dear Providence threw-up repeatedly over everyone and everything (or at least it seemed that way at the time). The result was a shock wave of gasps, disgusted looks and panic throughout our sector of the plane. Wild-eyed flight attendants grabbed — I am not kidding about this — an enormous bright red containment bag with “infectious disease” stamped on it in black lettering. One male flight attendant observed the women flight attendants helping mop-up the mess, grabbed his nose and his stomach and said “I’m gonna throw-up” and ran off gasping and holding his nose. The process was so horrible as to be downright humorous. When all was said and done, one nicely manicured, but completely repulsed flight attendant brought the enormous containment bag of soiled clothing and dirty cleanup rags to Beall and announced “Since your baby got sick, you are going to have to keep this on your seat for the rest of the trip. We do not have space for it anywhere else.” To which Beall laughed and responded: “Is this my punishment to remind me not to let this to happen again?” No response from the flight attendant.

Posted by Doug Phillips on January 13, 2005 | Permalink

Its a crazy world out there when the Christian vision of societal relevancy is to tell us that too many babies are bad, that mothers may be sent to war to die in Baghdad, and that Bono is the sina qua non of Christian culture. But every once in a while we get a zinger from the secular world sure to challenge even the most avant-garde, relevancy-drenched, pagan syncretistic, and libertine. Consider the following letter from the producers of the ABC show “Wife Swap” sent to the dear ladies who defend biblical patriarchy at the Ladies Against Feminism website:

Greetings!

I am writing in the hopes that someone who espouses the traditional values presented on your website, might be interested in appearing on a new ABC television series. The show, (entitled Wife Swap), has two mothers exchange families for 2 weeks, such that both can explore another family’s values and lifestyle, and share their perspective too. It’s a format that has won numerous awards in the UK, and been critically acclaimed on this side of the Atlantic as well.

We are always searching for families with a lifestyle that others could learn from. Currently, we are eager to feature a mother who embraces the concept of biblical womanhood, and develops her husband’s leadership role.

Is there anyway that your organization might be able to help us find some families? This could be as simple as a message about us in a mass email, a notice in a newsletter, or sharing the information with anyone you know personally that might be interested...Thanks for taking the time to read this, and please give me a call or write should you have any questions or concerns.

Kind regards,
Stacy Woods
Associate Producer

As Jennie Chancey observed to me: Where would I even begin to explain why a woman who “embraces the concept of biblical womanhood and develops her husband’s leadership role” would never swap husbands and children with someone else? (!!!) It [the request from the show’s producer] is just a testimony to the wacky, subverted culture we live in. [“What? You think there’s a problem with living with someone else’s husband for a TV show?”]”

Amen Jen.

Hey wait a second. Maybe, I am just being a legalist to think that my wife should not participate in Wife-Swap. After all, God did not explicitly condemn Abraham for sharing his wife with pharaoh. But more to the point, nowhere does the Bible explicitly forbid our wives to be on the “Wife-Swap” television show. In fact, I can not even find the name of this show in my Strong’s Concordance (a fact which ipso facto proves the Bible is silent on such issues and, consequently, the Scriptures are not sufficient to equip the believer for making wise decisions about every conceivable subject as the Reformers argued). Wife-Swap is not mentioned in the Ten Commandments or any of the six hundred-plus explicit commands of the Old Testament. In fact, no matter how hard one looks nowhere does the Bible say that my wife can not care for another man’s family as part of a TV show. Since being on wife-swapping shows is not explicitly forbidden by the Bible, it is therefore un-condemnable. Right? Isn’t that the clear teaching of the Westminster Confession? After all, only God can define sin, and nowhere in the Bible is participation in a wife-swapping show explicitly labeled as sin.

Hold on further! I have another revelation. If Bono (the standard of virtuous cultural relevancy) can represent Christ by supporting sodomites, praying to Mary and screaming lyrics on MTV, then surely our wives can do the same through their comparatively tame appearance on Wife-Swap. (Let’s not forget that the Bible is silent on Wife-Swap, and thus no one has the right to question such a decision.)In fact, maybe if we let our wives participate in this show we are really advancing the kingdom of God. Maybe we are reclaiming the “Wife-Swap” show for Christ. Maybe we can incrementally work our way through the halls of ABC, and ever-so-gradually capture the show for Christ. Maybe we can rename it “Christian Wife Swap” to let people know of this amazingly relevant victory. Maybe home school moms can be “Amish in the City” after all?

Postscript:

Jennie Chancey of LAF writes: “This is the second time the producers of “Wife Swap” have contacted LAF, asking us to find women who believe in biblical womanhood and are willing to participate in the show. I’m sure you know the show’s premise: get two moms to swap places with each other for two weeks, each one living as the wife of another man (no physical adultery involved, of course) and playing mommy to someone else’s children. The first time I got the letter, I thought it was someone playing a joke on LAF. Then I got another letter with a phone number and contact information that checked out. Ditto this third letter from ABC. I still find myself shaking my head in disbelief.

Posted by Doug Phillips on January 11, 2005 | Permalink