It is repugnant, not only to the laws of pious emperors, but also to the law of God, and of nature, and to every law of nations, that children who are in the power of their parents do or attempt anything of great importance outside the knowledge and will of the parents, much less emancipate themselves completely from the power of their parents and withdraw themselves from their control, as occurs in matrimony...
Therefore, the laws of the early church and of pious emperors define it as rape if anyone joins a woman to himself in matrimony without the knowledge and consent of parents, even if the woman consents. Since the laws provide such a severe punishment if anyone against the will of another takes just a little money, or some beast, or some other things that in no way can be compared with children, how much more severe a punishment ought to be inflicted on those who take from parents their own children, whom they hold nothing in the world more dear or more precious.
For when parents themselves find husbands for their daughters and accept wives for their sons, if indeed they do this in the Lord, they provide for themselves sons-in-law and daughters-in-law who will be like sons and daughters to them. Thus when they give their children in matrimony, they do not so much alienate them from themselves or lose their services as they receive a filial son-in-law when they give their daughter, and when they receive a wife for their son, they get a daughter in their daughter-in-law along with their son, and the double for themselves the services of sons and daughters. And this is far different from what happens if they get married without the consent of their parents.
God did not hold valid the vow of a daughter if it displeased her father (Numbers 30:4-6).
“If a woman makes a vow to the Lord, and binds herself by an obligation in her father’s house in her youth, and her father hears her vow and her obligation by which she has bound herself, and her father says nothing to her, then all her vows shall stand, and every obligation by which she has bound herself shall stand. But if her father forbids her on the day he hears of it, none of her vows or obligations by which she has bound herself shall stand, and the Lord will forgive her because her father had forbidden her.”
Should the promise of a girl be made to a man against her father’s will then be valid?
According to the norm, therefore, which the very law of God ordains and the law of nations and of nature teaches, and which we see all pious and honest men follow as established custom, written laws to the contrary permitting, it will have to be established that no matrimonial agreement is valid which is not accomplished with the consent of those who have power over those who contract; and if some have neither parents nor relatives nor other special patrons whose meritorious counsel and approval they may use, the counsel, assent, and testimony of at least three or four pious and honest men should be required. Most religious men use for this contract also some officer of the church in order that everything may take place more gravely and religiously, and that by the Word of God and prayer this contract may be sanctified with greater zeal.
Clearly, “whatever things are true, whatever honorable, whatever just, whatever pure, whatever lovely and gracious, whatever of good report, if there is any excellence, if there is any praise, these things are to be thought about” (Philippians 4:8), and these things are to be sought and done by us and by every person according to his place and role in the body of Christ. God has prescribed this law for us. Now no one doubts that it is honorable and just and holy for children to do or attempt nothing without the consent of their parents, much less free themselves entirely from their power through matrimony and to undertake a matter of such moment (great consequence) and peril without their counsel and authority.
Note: The above quote is a portion of a treatise by Martin Bucer (1491-1551) entitled “Marriage Without the Consent of Parents,” which is included in its entirety in our good friend Dennis Gundersen’s helpful new work, Courtship or Dating. Look for Dennis’s book to be available in up-and-coming months.
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