In my book, The Little Boy Down the Road, there is a chapter entitled “The Animal Fair” which details our life with dozens of dogs, hundreds of hamsters, a killer goose, rebellious goats, evil llamas, aged horses, and sundry other animals including arachnids and birds. But here are a few small thoughts I failed to mention about cats.

There are several important things to remember about these felines. First, it is important to keep in mind that cats are not clean, they are just covered with cat spit.

A cat is a walking heart attack. Its heart beats twice as fast as a human—at about 240 beats per minute. But rumor has it that if your children attempt to dress the cat up in a gown and pretend to baptize it in the tub, you can double that heart beat.

Finally, I just want to express my personal gratitude to our cats for allowing us to live in their home.